THE BOY I COULDN’T BE, AND THE MAN AM LEARNING TO BE.

I took my younger self for a walk. He was 10. I was 29.

He looked vibrant. An innocent smile was painted on his dark‑chocolate face. His vanilla‑white teeth were popping out. He was full of light and unaware of what awaited him ahead.

Along the way, we came across a park full of snack bars and kids playing. I could almost feel him jumping up and down beside me. He looked at me as if asking for permission to join the kids.

In his eyes, I could see life, joy, peace, and freedom. But deep in his heart, I could feel the pain—the trauma clouding his desires. I could feel him questioning every feeling, every ounce of blood pumped from his heart. I could see a big WHY engraved on his retina.

Tears rolled down the hills formed by his chubby cheeks. His grip on my hand tightened. I knelt and looked right into his eyes. I wiped his tears with my thumb, and in a soft, gentle voice, I spoke words he had never heard before:

“It’s OK. You are free. Forget all the trauma and embrace the joy, peace, and freedom that you feel.”

I saw doubt in his eyes for a second. He stole a glance at the kids by the ice cream stand. They waved at him, calling him into their world. He looked back at me and, with a faint voice, asked,

“Really?”

With a big smile, I said,

“Yes.”

Before I could even blink, he was running toward them. They dropped their ice cream cones, hands spread wide, ready to embrace him. I could see the joy, the life rising in him again.

My eyes were wet with tears. I whispered to myself as I followed him, “I forgive you. I’m so sorry for the childhood you never had.” For the fun moments you missed the ice creams, the play dates, the smiles, the freedom. I’m sorry you had to grow up so young. I’m sorry you had to fight so young. I’m sorry you had to see it all. I’m sorry you had to hate yourself. I’m sorry you were told you aren’t good enough and that you don’t deserve better. I’m sorry they told you how useless you are. I’m sorry they told you you are ugly. I’m sorry for all the pain and the trauma.

“It wasn’t your fault, but you are free now. Go and conquer the world. Go and claim yourself. Go and claim your freedom, your riches, your wealth. Go and claim your place in the world.”

I sat on a bench and watched him play, and it filled me with joy. It was the happiest moment for us both.

I met my younger self. I met the boy I never was. And now I am learning the man I am becoming.